There is a part of me that seriously drives me crazy, and I wish I could calm it down....
I have this internal drive to be the BEST at EVERYTHING, otherwise I completely freak out.
Maybe its the Virgo in me.
According to this website:
The real stand-out feature of the Virgo personality is their commitment to excellence in everything they do. This is a person who once committed to a given task, will complete it to the very best of his ability. If something goes wrong, and the task is incomplete or not perfectly done, it will be on Virgo's mind for some time to come.
Or maybe its the fact that in school I was always one of the top students. In sports, I was always one of the top players. At my old job, I knew everything.
I feel like I grew up being good at everything... and now I just do not how to deal with it if I am not.
A great example is how I freak out around exam time. The threat of FAILING throws my whole world upside down. I get sick to my stomach. I cant sleep. I seriously go crazy cleaning the house. I take my anxiety out on Brian. Speaking of anxiety, I probably get to a point where most doctors would prescribe me some calming pills... I freak out.
I know I cant be good at everything.... failing is part of life. But damn it, I can try!!
However, I would like to thank this trait for teaching me determination and how to work hard. I am very lucky in my life, and am at a great place. This "bad" trait of mine is probably why I am where I am today....
But... I just need to learn to accept that doing my best is OK, even if it means not being the best.