Monday, May 31, 2010

one of my favorite things...

that Leah can now play contently by herself! Wonderful for actually getting things done while she is awake!! Now I get to nap when she naps rather than rush through my to-do list!

Saturday, May 29, 2010

more random thoughts

Fisher Price Jumperoos are the greatest things ever! Leah has been jumping for the past half hour as I just sit on the couch and zone out!

Today was a pretty perfect day! Up early, Leah had a mid morning nap while Brian mowed the lawn and I picked up a bit, we went to lunch where Leah sat in a high chair (she loved it!) We went to the park and swung and went down slides, and walked around, we went to the meat market, we went swimming next door (Leah is a fan!), Brian is now BBQing dinner, the rest of the evening will be spent relaxing and watching a movie.... see... perfect day!

I decided the first 3 months of parenthood are definitely HARD! .... its still not easy, but atleast we know that Leah is surviving and growing.

Memorial Day weekend is always wonderful! Everyone is always just so excited for summer time!!

Remember how I said I wanted to wear a certain dress to my sisters graduation? I didnt wear it... I didnt even try it on... I just knew it wouldnt work... I may be at my prepregnancy weight, but my body is just shaped so completely different!!

I havent had my hair cut, or my eyebrows waxed, since January.... everytime I remember to call and make an appointment, its a Sunday or Monday and they are closed... My hair is getting kind of long... I cant decided if I want to let it keep growing out, or chop it off... why as girls do we always go through this tough decision!?!

I have tons of more thoughts going thru my head.... but like I said Brian is BBQing and I need to get started on my part of dinner... otherwise we will just be having steak for dinner...

Thank goodness for "No Spill"

I introduced a sippy cup to Leah last night.... with water.... such a big girl!

Did she drink any of it?

Maybe a few drops.....

But she did think it was a totally awesome new toy!!

I think the spout is too hard for her .... she cant figure out that its something to suck on, but rather things its something to chew on and try out her new teeth....

We will get there..... and until we do, thank goodness the advertising doesn't lie.... no leaking as she flings that cup all over the place.

Thursday, May 27, 2010

Im offended!

One of my coworkers made the comment to me today that HE thought that I had a baby too early and that I should have waited.

I was offended!

What was I supposed to wait for?

I went away to college, had my fun and crazy times, lived on my own, in an apartment with roommates, made mistakes, learned from my mistakes, have spent time traveling, been to 3 different continents, multiple countries, got a degree, have a job, have no debt, met the love of my life, got married, have a house, and created a home....

Am I missing something? What else was I supposed to do before having a child and becoming a mom?

Maybe HE is referring to the fact that I am not where I want to be in my career.... sure, I want a new job... I want to be challenged and use my full potential..... but I am a WOMAN... my life goal is not to be a CEO... if I fall alittle short in my career, I will by no means call it a failure. My life/career goal to be an amazing Mom and to raise amazing kids. You can ask anyone who has known me growing up, I have always done well with kids, I always babysat, and I have always wanted to be a mom. Is that wrong?

Brian and I talk about this alot... as a male, he thinks caring for his family means financially. Making sure he can make enough to give his family everything they can possibly want, that we are financially stable and never have to struggle. My dad was the exact same way! As a woman, we think caring for a family means emotional and physically... helping them grow and teaching them. Maybe you wont have enough money, but love is all you need right? I know all I need is my husband and my daughter and I WILL have a wonderful, perfect life!

I have come to realize that life throws your curve balls and it never goes just like you planned.... this can definitely be seen in my career.... For the past year I have been promised a new position..... but here I sit still in the same one.... yes its frustrating.... but I know I wont be in this position for the next 40 years... I will get moved and a better job someday...I know change is just around the corner... and I welcome it.... but I DO NOT think that having a baby has caused this!

I do not regret bringing Leah into this world and I NEVER will! I do not think I have missed a single thing.... but instead... I have spent my whole life waiting for Leah to arrive! Now life has finally began!

Monday, May 24, 2010

random thoughts

Yesterday was the first time in a long time that I actually had to grocery shop for a weeks worth of meals! It has been forever since Brian and I have both been home at reasonable times and are able to share a reasonable dinner together 5 days in a row! Brian was either in tax season, out of town, or I was staying late to study. This week its back to being normal!!

I think good things are right around the corner! Lets all think good/happy thoughts!

Leah woke up SCREAMING last night! For about 10 minutes straight she just yelled and yelled and 1 am. The funny thing is she wouldnt even open her eyes! Just screamed. Brian eventually got up as well...She opened her eyes for him... He held her for a bit, let her sit up, (since she has been able to sit up she seems to be rebelling and refusing to lay down) we changed her diaper, she tried to talk to us but we reminded her that it was not an appropriate play time, Brian gave her a bottle (we havent had a middle of the night bottle in weeks) and then I finally rocked her back to sleep. It was just ridiculous!

My husband is turning 30 on Wednesday! We had a "surprise" party for him yesterday at the park. He knew about it... he opened my mail and saw my reservation for the park and then I left the balloon stationary in the printer when he went to print off his boarding passes... oops! It was a good time... but WAY too hot! Happy birthday hubby!

My baby sister is officially graduated from High School!! I admit I am excited for her to become an adult... I hope I can stop babying her and trying to be a parent to her and start seeing our relationship turn into more of equals like it has with me and my parents or me and my brother. I am sure this will not be over night... it will take maybe a few more years as she finds herself and becomes the woman she is... and it will take me a little while to stop being such an overprotective big sister.... but I look forward to having a wonderful sisterly/best friend relationship with her for the rest of our lifes!

I cant believe its almost Summer time!! Time is flying by!!

Remember how it took forever for us to find out that Leah was a girl because she always had her legs glued together.... its a trait she still has! Whenever you stand her up her feet are always side by side, criss-crossed, or one on top of the other. It might take her a while to learn to walk just because she never separates her legs! Maybe she will just hop everywhere! She does love to jump! She always thinks she is in her own imaginary jumperoo.

Thursday, May 20, 2010

check up time

18 lbs 6 oz - 90th percentile
28 & 1/8th inches long - 98th percentile
head 42 cm? - 40th percentile
No shots because she has an ear infection again!

All week I knew something was going on with Leah... she had a little fever Monday, has been sleeping horribly all week, crabby, and just not herself... sure enough, its another ear infection. The doctor agreed she thinks taking Leah out of daycare this summer should help her get past all of this! Lets hope so!!

In other news... Leah has graduated to stage 2 foods... much more fun choices! .... she can start using a sippy cup and drinking water... no juice yet... around 8 months she can start eating table scraps (sounds so funny!) the Gerber puffs, crackers, and such.... She's getting so big!!

And we were instructed to start baby proofing the house because she is pretty sure Leah will be mobile soon! We actually already started this past weekend though! ha!

I definitely thing Leah is at an awesome age right now. Its so fun to see her discovering new things, learning to control her body, tasting new foods, giggling and "talking" up a storm.... She is just fun!

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

6 short months

6 months already.... and my oh my has she grown!

5 days old.... so itty bitty. To a growing little girl who is sitting up, loves to jump, grabs everything, loves applesauce and pears, 2 toothed, and just dicovering life!

Happy 1/2 birthday Miss Leah!! It has been the best 6 months of my life and I cant wait to see what the rest of your lifetime will bring! You are loved more than you know!

Sunday, May 16, 2010

My own doll and Family photos

For Mother's Day we had family pictures taken!!

They can be seen here! ... done by the wonderful Amanda Forbes - Dohack! password = Gilmore

Leah was having a strange day though... her usual smiley self did not want to give any smiles away! ... she is still adorable in the pictures.... just looks like our own personal cabbage patch kid!!

See for yourself!!

morning play time

a little boring... but I am sure I will enjoy looking back at this in  the future.

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Sleep Update

Leah's sleeping habits change weekly!

She is doing great unswaddled now... and she usually sleeps on her stomach.

Last week she had a few nights of sleeping through the night, and then a few nights of getting up once. Wonderful!

This week... she has started rolling in her sleep.... which she does not know she is doing and it makes her mad very mad! The past few nights I have been woken up multiple times just so I could go in her room and flip her back over. I look forward to her getting even more contol of her body and being able to roll her self back over on her own!

Her sitting up is getting pretty good as well and she now says "dada" repeatedly... not just "da" pause "da" pause "da".... she still doesnt know what she is saying though! We decided we would call Brian Dada so that she can maybe comprehend, Brian means dada.... but we will see....

In a week... Leah has her 6 MONTH CHECK UP!! Holy cow!!

Any guesses on her weight and height?

My guess is..... 17 lb 8 oz and 28.5 inches.

To help with your guess... she is finally fitting in the age appropriate clothes... She is almost 6 months and wearing 6-9 month clothes perfectly.

Let me know your guess! Maybe there will be a reward for whoever guess closest.... the reward will be.... babysitting Leah!? Leah hugs and kisses!? Sweet reward huh?

Wednesday, May 12, 2010


I have no idea how I did on my test.....

I started off awesome.... then hit a rough patch where I couldnt figure out like 8 straight.... there are only 24 questions on the whole thing....

I think I remember (and I mean I think... its all kind of a blur!) I got all the way thru and I was feeling confident on 12... and I think I went back through and figured a few more out before my random guessing occurred... but I cant fully remember!

If I passed... its just barely..... if I failed... I am thinking just barely as well.....

But... Who cares?! I have the next 8-10 weeks off before I get the results...

Time to relax!

Test day

In 2 hours I start my test!! I am eager to take it.... I am hoping it goes well! ... duh... of course I am! (I really didnt need to write that huh?)

Last night I wasnt so crazy... Brian did make me drink a beer though to relax some... and then sent me to bed and told me I had to go to sleep.

I am so scatter brained though that I forgot about GLEE yesterday!!! Luckily I was flipping channels and found it on half way through. I cannot believe I forgot! I will have to watch it again online!

I love that show! It just makes me happy!

Steve... can that be one of my things for myself? I have the first season on DVD... I might just have to watch it over and over to calm down my anxiety though... ha. Oh well!

Alright... almost time to leave... chug some red bull, and pass this test!!

*** Redbull totally makes me concentrate before a test or hard studying! I couldnt drink it last time because I was pregnant... maybe that is why I didnt pass...

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

I am going crazy

And I may no longer be able to take my exams.... according to Brian atleast.
For some unknown reason, the days leading up to my exam always break me down... I have always said how I cannot handle stress... and my exams seem to be the ultimate source of stress, that make me just come crashing down and make me a flat out crazy person.
Last night, I wrote how I was bummed and was going to go lay in bed... well I actually went and took a shower... then got out and for some unknown reason it just hit me how unbelievably messy our house was... the clothes all over our bedroom, the toys all over the family room, the dishwasher that needed to be unloaded so that all the dirty dishes could be put somewhere, the bottles in the sink, the old mail scattered all over the kitchen table, the dust in the bathroom corners.... it all hit me like a ton of bricks suddenly... to the point that I even felt sick to my stomach. I couldnt look at it a minute longer... I asked Brian to help me clean up... and he did.... but my picking up the toys led to me feeling an overall obsession with cleaning the house.
I organized, I sprayed and wiped down everything.... counters, table, high chair, sink, even the actual washer and dryer and then the trash can.... I mopped, and dusted, and then hit the bathrooms... I mopped some more, scrubbed down the sinks, toilets and showers in both of the upstairs bathrooms...
It was almost ten oclock and my mind was just racing... I felt like I would never be able to go to sleep... I just needed to clean! Some how I went from being tired and lazy to having the energy to do it all... I headed downstairs to conquer the chore that I had passed on over a year ago to Brian.... the kitty litter. I immediately dumped out the litter and started lysoling and scrubbing the actual box. I even put it in the shower to let it soak some... hearing the shower run must have been the straw that broke the camels back... Brian came down stairs to make me stop. He knew at this point, my cleaning was because of something else (there may or may not have been tears involved....)... he made me go upstairs and lay down in bed.... I asked if I could go back and finish the kitty litter because he made me stop midway but he told me I had to stay in bed and that he would finish it... which he did...I will have to check on that tonight!
I still had the burning desire to clean.... but I stayed in bed... I knew that if I got up it would keep Brian up... and we were already up way past our bed time... I am sitting here at work... and instead of working, or studying, I just want to go clean! I cant wait to get home tonight and finish up....
I have no idea what is going on with me.... or why I have this desire to clean.... but whatever it is... I blame it on my mom. She does the same thing.... I remember talking to her plenty of times and her telling me how she didnt sleep the night before because she was up at 3 in the morning doing laundry or cleaning the kitchen.... I talked to her this morning to let her know how I am turning into her.... she thinks she does it because "she feels like her life is out of control and its her way of getting control of life again"... that could be it .... or maybe I am just going crazy....
I need it to be tomorrow and to have my test over so I can atleast calm down a little bit!!!


Emails between me and a fellow actuary friend after lunch today… Jania takes her exam Thursday.

Me: i feel gross after eating that steak n shake.... and I smell like fries...

Jania: Me too. It was really greasy and the fries were old. I threw mine out. Print out your exam ticket right now.

Me: Yes it was!! Lets hope I can stay late to study now! ha! I did!! and I checked to make sure that Maryville is still the testing center!

Jania: Nice. I hope Maryville is still my testing center. I never check that.

Me: It is! no worries! I just had a thought of walking into there and finding no one and finding out they moved across town and then I didnt have time to get there.... and then I would be screwed!

Jania: I've had several exam nightmares like that. Usually I forget my calculator lol.

Me: we are so weird...

Monday, May 10, 2010

sad mama

my practice test did not go so well.....

Brian is going out of town again next week.....

I am too bummed to even study more...

I think I will just go lay in bed!

Sunday, May 9, 2010

Happy Mothers Day!

I just have to say how lucky I feel to be the mother of this beautiful baby girl! Check out those 2 teeth!!

I absolutely LOVE being a mom! It is the greatest job in the world! Being a mother is so much more than I could have ever imagined, so much more exhausting, but 10 times more rewarding! No matter what happens in life, whether I pass my test, or we never move to Fenton, I will always be Leah's mommy and she will forever by my daughter... and that is all I need!

In other news, my sister-n-law Tara is having a GIRL! I am SOOO excited about this! I love that Leah will have a cousin that lives close by so close in age. I look forward to all the sleep overs, dress up play-dates, and tea parties we will have! I love that Tara and I will get to raise daughters together! I cant wait for her little one to get here!!!

And according to my own mother, her greatest part of her day today was fooling me! My parents bought a new car today... and then proceeded to tell me that it was really for my sister for her graduation present. My brother and I had to wait for new cars as college graduation presents not highschool... and we had to pay for half of it!! I was mad!! They eventually told me they were lying... but kept laughing about how they tricked me... my dad would even just start laughing out of no where... just thinking of how they were tricking me made him laugh! Ugg! whatever!

Thursday, May 6, 2010

Oh life...

I have been a little slacking in the world of blogging... atleast slacking compared to my usual habits.....

Life has been busy lately.... and finally, after next Wednesday, life will hopefully slow down a little bit.

The day I returned to work from maternity leave, was the same day that Brian started his busy season. Tax season might have ended, but his traveling has continued. This is his second week out of town in a row, and hopefully his last week for alteast a month!

My test is next wednesday!!! I just want to take it and get it over with! I wont find out my results till early July but those will be 8 wonderful weeks. I cant do any study because I wont know what to study... MFE again (please no!!)... or MLC. There wont be any "I should be studying" in the back of my head while I am lazy and just lay on the couch. ... or by the pool, I hope!

Leah is officially a 2 toothed kid... and I have to say, it makes her about 10 times cuter than she was before! Those teeth are just so stinking cute!!

We only have a month left at Little Learners Academy. I have to admit, when Brian started talking about our summer plans and who was watching Leah when, I got almost nervous/sad that we would be taking Leah out of daycare. I know she loves to watch all the kids, I am finally getting used to the people and I know they really love Leah and take good care of her. ... but then this morning, I felt a little better about ending her time there. Usually when we drop her off, one of the workers runs over and takes her from me and just holds her for a while. Well this morning we walk in and the worker is holding a itty bitty 6 week old baby girl. Leah is no longer the youngest there, nor the only one that can't sit up yet on her own. I admit, I didnt know what to do with Leah... all the toys were put away still (it was 645am) I didnt know if I should put her in a jumper or swing, or what! I knew if I just laid her on the play mat she would start screaming as it was early and she was still sleepy. All I knew was to hand her over for someone else to hold her! ... we finally got out a bumbo seat for her, and there she sat as I told her she now had competition for being held all the time! June 4th will be her last day... then a summer with Grandmas and then August she starts the famous Goddard!

Brian turns 30 in 3 weeks! My hubby is getting OLD! ha..

I have given up hope of being moved to the Actuarial department as promised.... Vanliner Insurance Company is being sold.... hence the wait on moving me... it will become official June 30th... It will definitely be an interesting next 2 months with hopefully positive things coming out of all of this... but only time will tell...

Sunday, May 2, 2010


Brian is out running errands....

Leah is with her grandparents partying it up....

I am home alone... supposed to be studying.... but Im lonely!

I miss my girl! I miss my husband!

They can come back now! ... its been 2 hours. Ive had enough.

Saturday, May 1, 2010

future star

Star Baskteball or Volleyball player that is.... we already have her working on the jumping skill... something the Kozlen family tends to lack in! ha!


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