<3 <3 <3

I am feeling extremely emotional today and have a burning desire to write out my feelings, but I am unsure if I will be able to find the right words to do it all justice....

The past few days, Leah seems to be growing before my eyes! She has become so smiley and happy lately that I now understand how people say that their kids smiles melt their hearts. Every time Leah gives me that big gummy grin I feel this huge "AWWWWW" inside. I just keep thinking about how absolutely perfect she is! She is more beautiful than I could have ever imagined, big and healthy, always happy (unless you are slow to get her a bottle), extra cuddly... just PERFECT! I feel so unbelievably blessed to have such an amazing little girl! I know everyday I will continue to fall more and more in love with her!

I am also realizing that as much as I am falling more in love with Leah, and I am also falling more and more in love with Brian! I cant believe our love that we have for each other could create this perfect little thing. I feel more connected to him than I ever have. I love knowing that me and him, together, have this amazing challenge to give Leah the best life possible.

Its funny how I no longer feel like two beings... a husband and wife... we both had jobs, we shared money, we lived in the same house and slept in the same bed.... but now, with Leah, we really are a FAMILY! Marriage never seemed to really change anything... it felt alot like dating... but having a child really does change EVERYTHING!

Deciding to get pregnant and start our family I think was the best decision we could have ever made! I could not imagine anything making me more happy than I am right now!

Leah's perfect, Brian's perfect, Life is perfect! :)

Happy girl!

:)

I LOVE her! That's pretty much all there is to say!

But on a sad note.... I put her in a 0-3 month sleeper/onesie today... she is compeletely filling it out length wise! I opened her 3-6 month drawer to see what the measurements for that size was... yup... 23-27 inches... my baby girl, at 5 weeks and 3 days old is moving into 3-6 month clothing!! :(

Merry christmas!

Leahs first xmas was great! I couldn't ask for it to be any better... here she is playing with her new activity mat from grandma and grandpa gilmore while we get ready for bed. 

Ill update more later! 

1 month check up

Leahs is doing GREAT and is a healthy big girl!

Here are the stats:

10 lb 10 oz - 85th percentile

23 inches long - over 95th percentile

Head measurement... I cant remember the #, but its 50th percentile.... No Kozlen head here...

She showed the doctor all of her tricks too... holding up her head and standing on her feet when held... the doctor agreed... shes amazing! Ok... maybe she just said "Thats great!"

I am changing her formula though to a more sensitive one... she definitely has a problem with burping and hopefully this helps... its nothing major... no massive reflux problems where she spits up (she actually only spits up maybe once a week and usually on me) but want to make feeding a little easier on her... Right now she just drinks and drinks and drinks and gets HUGE burps built up that she gets really fussy until they come out... which takes a while! So she has had a few feedings with the new stuff... I havent noticed too big of a difference, but we will be patient...

She goes back jan 19th for her 2 month check up... and shots!!! eeks!

2010

My amazing brother wrote on his blog http://s-koz.blogspot.com/ (I dont know how to do the cool linking!) about resolutions and what he wants to accomplish in 2010.

It made me think some about what I am hoping for in 2010.... I have alot the more I think about it!

Here is my list... lets see if I can check them all off as the year goes on...

1. Learn to live stress free with a baby. I want to be able to do it all and not feel overwhelmed... I want to get into a comfortable routine as a working mom, so that I am not tired, stressed, or scatter-brained! I know it will be hard, and it will take a while, but hopefully by the end of the year, things will atleast start to get easier.
2. Begin working as an actuary. I HOPE this one will get crossed off quickly, and I get my new position when I return to work next month (oh, so sad... next month! :( )
3. Pass 2 exams... whether is MFE that I have to take again, and MLC...or MLC and exam 4 (I cant remember what exam 4 is!)
4. Take my lunch to work more often... and make Brian as well.
5. Start saving more money for my next car... this will be difficult with all the next expenses of a baby... but hopefully my #2 will help this!.. and #4. ha
6. Lose the rest of my baby weight! 18 lbs.. blah! .... preferably by Jan 25th, so that I fit into all of my work clothes and dont have to buy new ones!
7. Take more weekend trips... especially to KC to visit my brother and Sarah... and the new WATERPARK!!! I cant wait!!!
8. Monthly dates for Brian and I so that we can make sure our marriage can stay happy and healthy after a baby.... plus it gives grandparents a chance to babysit!

And I cant think of any more... but I think thats a good start!

By the way.. HOLY COW its 2010!!! I think the last 10 years have been the most life changing! I dont think and decade will include as many extreme life changes as these last 10 has. Life changing things that happened in the last 10 years:

1. Began driving
2. Graduated high school
3. Went away to college
4. Met my future husband
5. Turned 21
6. Graduated from college
7. Got my first real job
8. Got engaged
9. Got married
10. Got pregnant
11. Became a mother

What will the next 10 hold? New job, more kids, moving to Fenton :)....

busy busy busy!

This week will be Leah's busiest week of her life... so far!

It sort of exhausts me thinking about it....

Sunday: Heading to Grandma and Grandpa Gilmores so that mommy and daddy can enjoy some alone time and finally see New Moon! Then enjoying Grandpa Gilmores birthday dinner.

Monday: Leah's 1 month check up! Can you guess how much she has grown? Daddy thinks I will be 9 lb 15 oz and 24 inches long... Mommy thinks I will be 10 lbs 6 oz and 22 and 3/4 inches long. Then we will be heading to Mommy's work to meet her friends and finally visiting Grandma and Grandpa Kozlen while Mommy goes to her postpartum appointment.

Tuesday: Visiting Grandpa Gilmore's old workplace to meet his friends.

Wednesday: Cleaning the house with Grandpa Gilmore and then heading to Fenton for a girl's night with Mommy's high school friends.

Thursday: Its Christmas Eve and we will be hanging out with Uncle Steve and Aunt Sarah since we rarely get to see them!

Friday: Its Christmas!! And all of our family is coming over to our house to celebrate!

Sometime within this week, Leah needs to sleep enough so that I can get all of my cooking/baking done for Christmas day!

Let hope its a good week!!

My baby's growing up!

She turned 1 month old yesterday!!!!!!

We all survived! It was the most wonderful, memory-filled, exhausting, life changing, happiest, sometimes frustrating, month of our lives!

I love seeing her change each day and discover new things! Brian has her now watching TV... see the picture below... This chair was also the best 20 dollars (from walmart) that I have ever spent!

Now just a lifetime more to go! :)

Too sweet

Cuddling up with her seahorse, which glows and sings to her.... and transitioning over to the new binkies that can be attached to her and not get spit out onto the ground.

why'd I look?

I checked the SOA.org website...

My score is still not posted... and it wont be until 1/11/10. Ugg. Now I am getting curious again!

And I checked on the Spring test dates... it looks like I will be taking another exam May 12th or May 13th... ugg... That means book ordering and the beginning of studying are just around the corner!

Back to Leah.... no need to think about it now!

How we spend our mornings...

Some of you may find this boring... to bad!

Rattle time!

Leah is getting more and more amazing! Now she has learned to hold onto her raddle!

She flings it around pretty fast! Hopefully she doesn't smack herself in the head!!

LOOK!!

at 3 weeks and 1 day, look how strong she is!!! I am one proud mama!!!!!

before she gets up

Leah's 2nd bath: Leah did not make a single peep the whole time. She was completely quiet and relaxed! Unlike last time, she did not pee in the tub... instead the minute I took her out of the tub, and wrapped her in her towel, she decided to pee all over me! Oh well! Maybe next time it will be pee free! Third times the charm right!?

And we went xmas shopping!! Tuesday, Leah and I ventured to Chesterfield Valley, and went to Lowes, Best Buy and Target. We was a nice trip except for a little breakdown in Best Buy. Leah had a went diaper so we had our first experience using a changing table in a public restroom (I had my changing mat, no worries). It was definitely not too easy... and afterwards Leah did not want to get back into her car seat.... so we shopped around Best Buy while I held her and pushed the shopping cart with her empty car seat inside. We made it back home just in time for her next feeding!

It definitely takes more time to go places with a baby, but it really is not that bad... as long as I keep the shopping car moving! She hates when it stops...

Alright, Leah is up for the day now.... later gator

Trying something new!

Look what we are trying out today!

I figure I might be using this in the future when we go some places rather than carrying her in car seat which is HEAVY! For example: Her doctor appointments. The parking garage is FAR walk from the their office and this will work wonderfully when I have to take her myself on the 21st!

Plus I think she loves it... she fell asleep 3 minutes after getting in it!

Guess who got some sleep

Me AND Leah!

After 2 rough nights, Leah definitely made up for them last night!


After her 8 pm feeding, she was asleep by 830.


Around 915, I headed to sleep.


At 1:51 I woke up, checked the clock and said "Ah, Leah hasnt been up yet!" She should have been up around 11 to eat... I went in her room to check on her and she was sound asleep, still perfectly swaddled!


At 2:45 I guess Leah finally decided she was hungry because she woke up. She quickly drank her 3 oz., I swaddled her back up tightly, and we were both back to sleep by 3:15.


At 6:15, we were both up for the day!


This was the most sleep I have gotten in weeks!! I feel like a new mommy!


I know its too soon to hope for multiple nights like this, but I will take them when I get them!


I also blame the succcess of the night on the power of the swaddle and this in particular! Summer Infant Swaddle Square - Blue Dot (Large) - Summer Infant - Babies "R" Us I think it is my favorite/most used item with Leah. It is the only blanket that I can get a tight swaddle on her that stays thru-out the night and she cannot breakout of! When she is not swaddled, she flings her arms around so much in her sleep that she usually scares herself awake and sometimes even knocks herself in the head! I will be suggesting it to all! I plan to get a few more because when this one gets dirty (Leah pees thru her diaper like the other night) we have nights of much less sleep! I just need to make it to BRU! Oh how my "to do" list continues to grow!

Update

After putting leah back in bed at 4, she then kicked her way out of swaddle, making herself cold, and then needed a diaper change.... so leah was back up at 445! Ugg. So back in her swing she went and I fell asleep on the couch until 6, when I put her back in her crib. At 7 she was back up again bc she peed thru her diaper and was all wet!

The joy of motherhood huh?

3:45 am

Here I am....

Leah wouldnt fall back to sleep after her 3 am snack (she pretended to sleep, until I sit her in her crib and her eyes pop open) so I am out in the family room with her in the swing trying to get her back to sleep.

Rather than sit her and try to sleep on the couch, I am writing... hopefully by the time Im done, she will be fast asleep and then I can get back into bed!

Bath update.... as soon as I put her in the tub, she cried, then peed, then relaxed. Besides the whole peeing in the tub, and having to drain the water and refill it with her in the tub, I think the bath went great. Tomorrow is bath number 2. By the way, I did not take an first bath pictures because I cant forget the story of the parents who tried to print off bath pictures of their little girls, and the picture person called the police on them and the parents had their kids taken away from them thinking the pictures were inappropriate. We will not let that happen here... from what I hear, Walmart picture people are crazy! (ask my mom)

I also want to keep track of my "paranoid parent" phone calls to the doctor. I made my first one the other day. Leah woke up and was fine, then 2 hrs I go to change her diaper and her belly button is bleeding!!!! I kind of freaked out and of course called. Turns out its normal... The part that sticks out may have falled off, but the base, deep down, is still healing. They never tell you about this though in any of the instructions that we were given about cord care.

Yesterday (Saturday) we also had our first public outing. We really needed to go to the grocery store and I did not want to 1. write a long list of everything we need for Brian to get (he rarely gets is all usually) 2. go by myself and leave Leah, so I asked if the 3 of us could head to Sams. It was wonderful to get out after 9 days in the house. I felt giddy as I drove our car out of the subdivision. Leah loved the car ride, and was a little unsure of the whole cart ride. She did not cry at all the whole trip, but she would not really let herself sleep either while in the store. Now on to me taking her out by myself this week... I think we will attempt to go to Target as I have a list of things to get!

Alright, its 5 to four, I think Leah might be asleep and I am ready to get back to bed as well since Leah will most likely be up in another 2 hrs for more food....

Good Night!

Guess who's umbilical cord fell off...

LEAH'S!!

This morning when she woke up at 730(yeah!) and needed a diaper change, it was missing! (or atleast lost in her clothes)

This means Leah gets a REAL bath tonight! Lets keep our fingers crossed that she enjoys it!

I will let you know how it goes!

My little cuddle bug

Life on Maternity Leave

Life is definitely different.

My days are pretty much spent sitting on the living room floor, tending to Leah's every need. I often do not get to brush my teeth or go to the bathroom until I can get her to nap for a bit, and showering only occurs at night when Brian is home. Its weird how taking care of myself just goes down the drain. In the past 2 weeks (happy 2 week bday to Leah by the way) I have lived in PJs and sweats, worn glasses everyday and maybe blown dried my hair 3 times. ha. I do look forward to getting dressed up and putting on make up... I just dont have the need when all I do is sit at home! I havent left the house in 6 days! I also look forward to my doctors appointment when I am Okayed to exercise and just be normal again!! I have about 20 lbs to lose... and I look forward to being able to go for walks, and even do an ab exercise! ha!

In Leah news... I am beginning to amaze myself at my ability to take care of her. While at the hospital I remember calling the nurse in once and saying "She's really fussy and I just dont know why! Please come help!" Now I am easily able to calm her when she gets in these fussy moods and can usually figure out quickly what she wants. For anyone who watches her in the future, she likes to eat every 3 hrs on the dot! She has a perfect internal clock that will wake her up and say "Its time to eat!" I can tell by her cry (and the time) when she just needs a diaper and she just wants to snuggle. I think she is happiest sleeping on her belly on my chest or just held super close and tight... but sometimes refuses to be put down. I am ok with it.. I want to hold her as much as possible while I am home and she lets me. When she does sleep I frantically try to get as much done around the house as possible! My goal today is to sleep when she sleeps! My 5-6 nonconsecutive hrs of sleep a night will not continue to be enough. I know I will soon become too exhausted and run out of steam. But look at me... Leah is currently sleeping and here I am! Oops!

An interesting baby book that I have been reading is The Happiest Baby on the Block, It talks all about the "fourth trimester" and how babies just want to be held tight and that its kind of impossible to spoil a baby under 3 months. It talks alot about other cultures who's babies never cry and the reason they think is behind it as well as colicy babies. (Please cross your fingers that Leah does not become colicy!)

Yeah!!

I got my jeans on today!!!!

Now I admit... I had to button them while laying down, and they are not very attractive on, but they are on and its a start!!!

Newborn pictures

Last week, when Leah turned 1 week old, I had a photographer friend from high school come over and take some pictures of Leah.

She did an AMAZING job! I cant stop looking at them!! Now I just have to decide which to buy!

Below is the link to see them... the slide show is "Leah"


http://amandaforbes.com/darkroom/share/

ENJOY! :)

Go tigers!

Leah's ready for the game!

Bath time

Leah loves bath time.... especially getting her hair washed!

Tonights bath was an adventure though!  She was so relaxed that she decided to pee, poop, and then puke on me!!!  Luckily I love her more than anything and find it all cute! Ha!

Happy thanksgiving!

... a day late....

The holiday was great...Brians family joined my parents, sister, and grandma at my parents house.  The food and company were great and it was so nice not having to go to multiple places!

Brian and I got a small break from her as the new grandmas loved taking care of her.  We even left her alone for 5 minutes when we had to run to walgreens to buy more diapers! I survived 5 minutes away but I'm not sure I could do much longer.... yet. 

Now we are on to xmas.... eeks.... I am so scatter brained right now I hope we don't forget anything or anyone!! 

1 week

I cant even put into words what this past week has meant to me and I am not sure if I ever will be able to.... I have felt every possible emotion and our lives have forever been changed.

The thing I am sure about is that Brian is and will be an amazing dad. Although he is still uncertain and gets nervous anytime she cries, he will gain confidence with time and become the perfect dad for Leah.

We love this little girl so incredibly much. I love seeing how our family has grown and imaging all of the wonderful things are still to come.

Now what?

How do I learn how to leave her alone? I just want to stare at her!

And cat update.... they are terrified of her! Good!

Were are going home!!

No need 4 words

Angry?

Leah has great facial expressions!

Is she already mad at brian?

mini update

I finally got Leah to calm down and fall fast asleep so I want to take the opportunity to update a little.

Things are going great! She is getting more and more adorable each day!! Yesterday was a little rough, Brian left me in the afternoon to go to work, and I was pretty much unable to get out of bed so it was hard to take care of Leah. I was also EXHAUSTED from my 3 hrs of sleep that I got Wed night... we kept Leah in the nursery, but I was just too excited to calm down, not to mention the nurses coming in every hr to check me out. Then to add to my emotional frustration, Leah was not nursing at all...but finally, last night... around 10, we got her going! Since then she has been an even happier baby and is getting a hold of the whole feeding process. Really, its all she wants to do now! ha.

Right now I am just waiting for my IV to come out so I can jump in the shower! I cant wait to shower, and hopefully put my PJs on instead of this hospital gown!

As for the c-section, it wasnt nearly as bad as I though... pain medicine works great, but I really have not been in alot of pain the entire time.

2 more days and we will be heading home!!! Yeah!!!

In love!

I am just so in love with this little girl!

Leah's here!

Our little one was born at 5:48 pm!

She weighs 9 lb 6 oz and is 21 and 1/4 inches long!!!

We are in love!!!!!

Jaxs

I found jax taking a nap the other day... he is such a goofy cat! ... and yes, those are all the pillows I need to actually sleep at night lately...

I am trying to keep my mind off the fact that today is leahs birthday!!!!!!!!!!! I have 4 and a half hrs until its hospital time and I am just trying to keep myself in bed and away from the cleaning that I want to do and the food that I can't eat!

Ohh and everyone, the new john mayer cd is great!! I have loved him since I was 17, and I think this is my favorite cd yet! Its very relaxing to listen to!  I plan to blair it from the sterio later while I shower and repack my hospital bag for the 3rd time! Ha!

Well this took 5 minutes..... 4 hrs and 25 more minutes to go!

11-18-09

This date will forever be Leah's birthday!

After a disappointing dr appointment and identifying that no progress has been made, we decided to skip over even trying to induce labor and are heading straight to a scheduled c-section at 3 o'clock in the afternoon on the 18th.

So less than 48 hrs and our little girl will be here!!!!

Now I just need to keep myself busy until then!!!!!!

D-day

Its official.... Leah is DUE!

Yesterday was my most uncomfortable day and I thought we might be heading to the hospital.  I had a horrible lower back pain from 10 am and on, mild contractions all day and then much stronger ones from about 630 to 830.... and then it just stopped!

Who knows what today will hold....

seriously...

I couldnt possibly grow anymore! Leah REALLY needs to come out! 4 more days at the most!


This picture was from Tuesday.... 39 weeks and 2 days pregnant.... Can you picture her curled up in there?

Oh yeah, so yesterday as I am sure you know was my last day of work. The day went pretty slow, the deptartment girls went out to lunch, and it was just a nice day with my coworkers. I really enjoy them all and I will miss them while I am out. We all make each other laugh... alot! .... Then 5 oclock came around... and it all began to set in as I set my away message on my email and my phone... I started to get REALLY nervous! The fact that I was about to become a mom, and caring for a little baby is my only focus for the next 74 days, really sank in! It wasn't like I was leaving for 2 weeks to get married and go on an amazing trip, like the last time I anxiously awaited something... this is 500 times more life changing. I am going to return to work as a mom... with new responsibilities at home. Its officially time to have this baby! I am about to begin my new career and title as MOM!!!

YEAH!

Its another early morning for me... up at 4, and slept horribly....

BUT...

Its Friday!
Its Payday!
Its my last day of work until Jan 25th!
And I will become a mom sometime in the next 5 days!!!!!!!!!

(I am choosing the 18th by the way to be induced if need be)

Well... its 5:10.... should I lay back down or make some breakfast!?

3 am

I am up.... 3 am.... and its not because I am in labor! I just cant sleep! Its one of those nights when my mind just wont shut off!

Brian hasnt noticed me out of bed yet... I am waiting for him to yell "Kim!? Are you ok!?" and sadly I will say "yes..."

My hope of her being born on 11/10/09 came and went... darn it!

I guess I can update about my last doctors appointment Monday...

I still have not progressed any, and my doctor brought up my induction options which I was supposed to go home and think about to decide on Monday, the day after my due date :(

If come the 16th and I am STILL pregnant, I can be induced on the 18th or the 25th.

I should choose the 18th of course because who on earth when they are over 40 weeks pregnant wants to wait ANOTHER week!? And that is what I am thinking... but the doctor said that come Monday, if I still have not progressed anymore from my 1 cm (my body just isn't ready for labor) and they try to induce me 2 days later with their medicine, than there is a high chance that even the medicine will not dilate me fully, and I may have to end up with a C-section. I have talked to several girls at work, and this actually happened with most of them... 24 hrs of trying to have their children traditionally and then switching over to a c-section... finally delivering their babies 30 hrs after entering the hospital. Do I want to take this chance?

But... who is to say that wont happen no matter when I go to the hospital, or whether I am induced or not? I was already told that because Leah is a larger baby and if any problems seem to start popping up, then they are more likely to switch over to a c-section.

Dr. Hugge says its my decision... and understands if I want to have her before Thanksgiving... I am sure Dr. Hugge would like to have Thanksgiving off as well! Sadly, if I make it to my appointment Monday, Brian will be there and we will make the decision...

I am still hoping to go into labor before Sunday though!!!! I think I have FINALLY dropped!! (One of the reasons why I am not progressing is because she was not dropping enough, which signals my body to begin changing to deliver her) Myself and everyone at work noticed yesterday that from the time I walked into work, and the time I walked out of work, I looked completely different... I left work with my belly looking like a tight ball that needed to be carried (like I need to have my hands under my belly to hold it up!). To me... it looked like I just have a really big belly that is hanging over my pants. Usually while I sleep she moves up ALOT, as in I feel like she is in my throat... or just in my chest, but tonight... she is staying down!

My mom thinks its the cold front.... Lets just think positive thoughts!!! ...



Alright, its been 40 minutes, and Brian hasnt noticed me out of bed yet! I am envious of his sleep! Uggg

a final trip to the mall

This morning I woke up with a burning desire to go to the mall, and just be out of the house. I suddenly realized that I will be spending about the next 3 months in the house 95% of the time... and I need to get out now while I can! ...So I called my mom and met her at Chesterfield mall for some girl time.

I came home with a few new items of clothing... they were on sale, and motivation to quickly get back to my pre pregnancy size once Leah is here.... I got a pair of jeans, a pair of khakis that I can wear to work, and a shirt. I cant wait until I am able to wear them!!!!!!


And lets hope my 2 ours of walking about will result in some progression at the doctor tomorrow! I am atleast tired and sore from it!

Next Sunday

My due date is NEXT SUNDAY!

Its so crazy to think! Pregnancy is over 200 days long, and I am now down to 8 days!

This morning, the first thing Brian asked me was "Is Leah coming today?" My response was "I hope!"

Brian and I dont have alot planned this weekend at all... the weather is supposed to be super nice (mid to upper 70s) so we want to do something outside. We are about to head down to Main St. St. Charles to have lunch and casually walk around. Otherwise I think our weekend will be spent cleaning and finally finishing thank you cards. (Everyone who is expecting one from me, I apologize, I just wanted to get thru my test first).

Operation labor

I am getting impatient... and determined!

I am already an impatient person, and all the comments I receive at work ("You're still here?" "You look ready!", "Is this your last week?") do not help.

Since I no longer have to study on my breaks at work... I am now walking! A 1/2 mile in the morning, and a 1/2 mile in the afternoon... a 1/2 mile is all I can do in 15 minutes! Sad huh!? ... so far I have alot of lower back pain.... but lets hope it helps! Its also a nice week weather wise and nice to get outside for a bit....

I am also determined to eat hot sauce on everything tomorrow!

I just want to meet her already!!!!

92.3 WIL/Post: When You're the Mom of a Mother

I heard this on the radio this morning and just loved it... Leah is not even here yet, but my new "relationship" with my mom has already began!

Girls, try not to cry when you read it!!

92.3 WIL/Post: When You're the Mom of a Mother

I have to share, another conversation

Background information: We just moved Leah's swing to the other corner of our family room... its currently in front of a tall bookshelf, at the end of the couch. On top of this bookshelf is our pieces of Waterford crystal, a vase and three candle sticks... all are VERY heavy!

Brian and I are on the phone... he is on his way home from work, I am sitting on the couch...

Kim: Ahh! Jax just tried to jump to the top of the bookshelf from the couch.
Brian: He obviously didnt make it...
Kim: No but he got close.
Brian: There are some heavy stuff up there, maybe we should move them, we dont want them to fall on Leah.
Kim: Uhh...
Brian: What if there is an earthquake?

I love that he even thinks about these kind of things.... I think he has a fear of things falling on his little girl... he also will not let me hang anything near the crib... incase it falls on her.... during one of those very common earthquakes me have! ha! :) I love him!

what a day

It didnt go as planned... All day I have been a little off...

My test was today... and I believe I will be taking it again in May. It was 10 times harder than I expected, I didnt even get thru the whole exam, and my mind wondered thru-out the whole thing.... I was upset for about 2 minutes when I talked to Brian afterwards, but oh well... what can I do? I have a baby on its way.. who cares about my test.... and I am getting a new position whether I pass or fail!

After the test I ran alot of errands... to Babies R Us to buy more crib sheets, to Sams for TP, to Kohls to make a return, to Homegoods for some new baking sheets (mine somehow disappeared! I had like 3 and only have 1 now!), Gordmans nursing/PJ/post pregnancy attire, and the licenses office to pay the taxes on the new car.

My mind was definitely elsewhere because when I signed the papers for the car, the first paper got signed as "Kimberly Gilmore", I turn to the next paper and it got signed as "Kimberly Kozlen" not 2 seconds after signing my name correctly. I looked at it like "That looks weird... What on earth does that say?? Kozlen!??! Where did that come from!??"

I had yet another appointment today... no progress from 1 cm and 50%... she is still sitting pretty high and needs to come down alot! The doctor says this usually happens this week, but we will see... I am beginning to think she is going to be late for sure... She took forever to find out what gender she was, and now I think she is going to take forever to let us meet her! I need to just accept that it will be atleast 2 more weeks...

And now here I am... I am not feeling so great at all! I am feeling super nasueas, tired, and like I just want to go and lay in bed. Brian will have to fend for himself tonight for dinner... I dont think I can eat anything and I definitely dont want to make him anything!

Lets hope for a better week... only 9 more days of work!!! (I will go crazy if I have to go to work the 16th-20th and meet/train my replacement)

OMG!!

ITS NOVEMBER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Leah will be here THIS month!

By the end of the month our family of 2 (or 4 if you count the cats) will become 3 (or 5) and our lives will never be the same!!!

I can't wait!!!

Good news!!!

Budgets got approved!!!! A budget which included a new position for me!!!!

Good bye Premium Accounting department.... hello Actuarial department!!!

Now we just have to wait for HR to finish all the paperwork!!

Leah wants out too!

Leah was entertaining me today at work doing a little jig... my belly was all over the place! It might have been the nutty bar that I had just eaten.... but I think she is ready to get out just as much as I am ready for her to come out!

Another appointment, another update...

Of course I was hoping for lots of progress and for Dr. Hugge to say "It looks like any day now!".... but instead it was no progression and her saying "It looks like you have atleast 2 more weeks!".

2 weeks... its still before my due date and I should get my test in just fine, .... but that's 2 more weeks of uncomfortable sleep, backache, and Brian having to deal with a crazy/crabby/emotional wife.

I am not a patient person...

Dr. Hugge also promised that since Leah is on the larger size, she promises not to let me go too far past my due date... What she means by "too far past" I do not know, and I hope I dont have to find out,.... but luckily I have an appointment schedule for the day after my due date, so I can sit there in her office and plead for her to induce me if need be.

I am just ready for Leah to get here!!

another one of these...

How far along? 37 weeks and 1 day.

Total weight gain/loss: I think I hit 40 lbs! I sort of lost track... but this is right where Dr. Stein thought I would be, and I keep reminding myself that 7.5 lbs of that is Leah!

Maternity clothes? very few of them fit me! I have my 5 shirts to get me thru the week, one of this is Brian's, they are all tight and looking horrible on me, but you know what, I am not buying anymore!

Stretch marks? Way too many on my belly! I think they have recently grown too as she drops! Sometimes I look at them and I am upset, and sometimes I look at them and think whatever, I get Leah out of this!

Sleep: Past couple of nights have been okay - falling asleep quickly and sleeping more on my back.

Best moment this week: Getting her room completely done, knowing I only have 3 more weeks, and her making it to full term.

Movement: She hurts... and gets crazy at times.... I also am very curious to see how long her legs are because she definitely likes to stretch them out pretty far into my side! .. Tara also got to feel her at Dom's game.

Food cravings: I think it has been pizza lately... it just always sounds good.

Gender: A little Leah girl!

Labor Signs: I am getting plenty of the braxton hicks contractions, and sharp headbutts to my pelvic bone...

Belly Button in or out? Its rather strange... its in, but at the same time sticking out some....

What I miss: my clothes fitting me, sleeping well, easily getting in and out of the car and walking around stores... I went to the mall last week with my sister and I could barely walk up and down the mall once... I was exhausted and hurting!

What I am looking forward to: Meeting Leah!!!!

Weekly Wisdom: the 9th month pretty much is as miserable as everyone says...

Milestones: Leah is now considered a full term baby!!! Its time for her to come out!!

pictures, pictures and more pictures!

The nursery is officially finished!!!!

Our house is ready too with our amazing swing in the family room!

And this is not baby related... but me and my now 18 year old sister before her last homecoming!

She has too much attitude sometimes! ha!

eeks!!!!!

My test is a week from Monday!!!!

I only have 3 more weeks of work!!!!!

HOLY COW!

Leah will be arriving...

Whenever her heart desires!

I figured I would put an update up really fast about my appointment yesterday... I have actually been busy at work and at night I never make it up very late at all!

The ultrasound went great... Leah is estimated to be 7.5 lbs. She is big, but not too big. She is currently in the 90th percentile. Brian asked how they determine the weight and the tech said it is based off of the head measurements, leg length, and something with the measurement of the abdomen. After we left Brian said "Maybe Leah just has a Kozlen head and really isn't that heavy" (an average baby at this "age" is 6-6.5 lbs) Brian might be right... Kozlen's do have way larger heads than the Gilmore family! ha!

We only got a few pictures of Leah from the ultrasound...at this point she is so squished in there that it is hard to get different angles of her... her face was pretty much pushed against the side of me and she again would not let us get any reassurance that she is in fact a girl.

We saw the doctor afterwards... who reassured that Leah's size just means she is healthy and labor should be fine for me... but if it for some reason labor does not progress for me then they will be quicker to decide to switch to a C-section.

Otherwise... I am 1 cm dilated and 50% effaced.... anyday now....

nesting??

Before I begin on the nesting..... I slept until 6:30 today!!!!! I was so proud of myself! I think I could have slept longer, but I woke up to go to the bathroom, saw that the clock said "6" something rather than the usualy "4" or "5" something that I just got too excited that I couldnt go back to sleep! I have felt pretty refreshed and awake all day!! ... it is only 1:00 though so we will see how I feel in an hour or two.

My mom called.... below is parts of our conversation:

Mom: What are you doing today?
Kim: Finishing up the baby room
Mom: Getting it all ready for your appointment tomorrow incase you have her this week?
Kim: Not really, I just want it done.
Mom: Have you washed all her clothes and bedding?
Kim: I did that last night.
Mom: You are getting prepared huh?
Kim: I guess .... Oh yeah, I forgot my phone when I went to the grocery store this morning... how do you make your Spaghetti again?
Mom... went on to tell me....
Kim: Ok I remembered it all... And the pot roast?
Mom: Kim your nesting is REALLY kicking in! I think nature is really taking over... isn't it weird how your body just does that... you just want to take care of your house and family right now. Watch out you might start wanting to mop the floors or something!
Kim: I guess it is... I just want to do anything but study.
Mom: Your maternal instincts are kicking in rather than your business woman ones huh?

Hopefully I atleast make it thru one practice exam this afternoon..... but I decided that if I dont pass my exam... I am blaming it on nesting!

a forewarning

I think sometime last week I wrote that I was experiencing a few very exhausting weeks... I take that back.... This week has been the most exhausting week of my entire life... so far!

Kelly P - I hate to tell you this.... but the first trimester exhaustion seems like a piece of cake compared to how I feel lately! I am exhausted both in the sleep aspect and in the "I dont feel like moving my body" aspect!

I read somewhere though that I am supposed to feel a surge of energy right before labor beings...so I guess it is safe to say that labor will not beginning anytime in the immediate future.... but if I go to the doctor Monday and she says that I will probably go all the way until my due date (which is now less than a month away! HOLY COW) I think I might go crazy! I cannot imagine 4 more weeks of feeling like this!! You are being forewarned.... I WILL be one cranky pregnant lady!

My baby shower was this past Saturday and it was WONDERFUL! I had a great time, and I hope everyone else did as well! Thank you to my mom and Penny for doing a great job! I couldnt ask for anything better! :) (Pictures will be posted sometime.... I am just too exhausted lately to get anything that is not a necessity done lately!)

We are almost fully prepared for Leah to make her appearance!

The items on our "still to get" list include:

Stroller
Pack N Play
Diaper Bag
Crib Sheets
Cover for changing
table
Plastic Drawer/containers for closet, kitchen and bathroom items
Baby grooming kit (nail clippers, nose sucker outter and such...)
Boppie pillow
baby gate (we are going to try to put it up right away in the baby room to see if it will keep the cats out... if not, it will go on the basement stairs when Leah starts to crawl.)
Pants for Leah (we have so many great and adorable onsies, but her poor little legs will freeze! We need a few pants to put over them)
Batteries (everything needs batteries!!!)

Our shopping trip should take place Saturday morning before Stephanies shower.... we are very lucky that we also received many giftcards with our amazing gifts, so we should be able to get everything else that is on our list easily!

Leah's room is almost finished as well... last night we attempted to put up our new paintings, but we realized we do not have the proper wall mountings to make this work. We need to make a trip to Home Depot... and our other wall items (letters and shelving) are on Brian's to-do list Saturday while I am at the shower. This Sunday we might go up to the fire department and have them install our car seats for us.... after that I guess we will just try to get as much sleep as possible and wait for our little girl to make her entrance!!

Tonight we have our Baby Basics care class from 6:30-9. I am pretty excited for it. I hope it doesnt scare off Brian though when he realizes all of the responsibilities we are about to take on. Last night we were talking and I told him how I was getting nervous about her coming and I hope I am able to do everything I need to do... Brian said he was not nervous at all... his reasoning is that people have been having kids for thousands of years, and they have all been able to do it... as will we. I need to remind myself of this and believe that everything will be OK!

running out of time.

3 weeks... 21 days.... actually less since my exam will be at 8:30 in the morning... but that is all I have left to study.

I am beginning to get nervous!

I can now understand why people thought I was a little crazy to attempt to take this exam. I am exhausted both mentally and physically. There is so much else on my mind right now, and when I attempt to sit and study, my body quickly starts hurting from sitting in a chair so long and leaning over a table so my study attempts never last very long.

I currently have a small chance of passing...I have 85 study hours so far and should end up around 115 (I had 150 with the last exam 280 with the first) and I have been receiving passing grades on my practice exams... but always just barely. I like to be alittle more prepared and a little more confident, but I honestly dont know if I have the energy to prepare for it anymore!

Hopefully I can get a pick me up/desire to study here in the near future....

bills

I just wanted to let everyone know....

My 4 hour hospital stay that occurred back in August ..... cost 1800 dollars! Who can guess how much the actual hospital bill when I have Leah will be?

After paying off the rest of our deductible and our 20% coinsurance.... I sent in my payment of 650 something dollars! Blah!

That is on top of my 450 dollars that has already been paid to my doctor.

Medical bills SUCK!

Atleast we are getting part of our max out of pocket paid early. Its easier to pay these smaller broken down totals rather than one LARGE lump sum after delivery... and paying via credit card to pay off immediately gets us POINTS! Whoohoo!

funny... or atleast I thought so

Last night Brian and I were walking out of Blockbuster when I saw a poster for New Moon...

Kim: "Oh yeah!!! That comes out next month!!!!" squealing with excitement!

Brian: "So does Leah"



also... we have a new addition to our family!! We officially have our new family friendly car!! I get to drive it today to the shower!! Whoohoo!! I will put up pictures soon.... Brian won by the way and its Silver... I told him the next car I decide the color... even if its yellow, pink of purple! He will get no say!

Ugg

The last 2 weeks seem to be the beginning of weeks of complete exhaustion.

"Good" sleep is a thing of the past... its impossible to get comfortable, my legs hurt all night long, I hate getting up to go to the bathroom, and I am always too hot for blankets.

My crappy nights of sleep then makes me feel exhausted and tired all day. Work currently is super boring so the days are dragging on(I am currently working on a rubberband ball!). I finally get home... make dinner, clean up dinner... try to relax on the couch, but by the end of the day, my body is so sore, that I can't even get comfortable on the couch so I move to the bed. Of course being in bed and watching TV makes me fall asleep... I rarely make it to 9 o'clock anymore! You would think fall asleep before 9 and not getting up until 6 would give me enough rest... but it most definitely does not!

I am desperately looking forward to some good sleep while laying on my stomach! I think it might be MONTHS before this happens! Darn it!

Oh yeah... barely any of my clothes fit!! Pants are cutting into my belly and only about 2 shirts are long enough to cover it! Can I survive 1 more month in the clothes that I have? ... sorry I just need to complain a bit today... I think its the rain!

In other news....

Today is Brian's last day at Centene. Tomorrow, during his one day of unemployement he is going to go and buy our new car! We decided on the Mazda CX-7. We haven't decided on the color... I think it might be a surprise as to what he comes home with... lets hope for Blue though! Monday Brian starts his job at Loplata Flegal... I dont have such hard feels about his job change anymore... but lets see how I feel once Tax season begins. I made him promise me that he cannot use working long days and Saturdays as an excuse not to do things around the house and help out with Leah when he is home.

Saturday is my shower! I can't wait to see everyone and eat all the yummy food that I know we are going to have! I know my mom and Brian's mom will throw a great party!!! I can't wait! Craig and Beth are coming up this weekend as well and we will be enjoying a night out together. Its probably the last time we will go out with another couple where we dont need a babysitter!

Next Saturday the 17th, Brian and I have a date night planned... Bristols for dinner and then to a movie.... a final date night before we become parents! I can't wait! We haven't been to the movies since.... Star Trek?

My next doctors appointment is in a week and a half! This will be the big appointment with the ultrasound as well as the beginning of weekly appointments and checks to see if labor/dialation is beginning!!! I am VERY eager to see what this appointment will tell us!

preparation

Not only are Brian and I preparing for Leah to make her appearance, my body and Leah seem to be preparing for her birthday as well!

I have been getting alot of pressure and pain down very low lately... to a point where I have to stop for a minute and I just want to bend over. The girls here at work think it might be the braxton hicks contractions, I think Leah is just beginning to drop.

Either way... its not much longer!!!!!

shower

Yesterday my coworkers threw me a surprise shower!

I knew it was coming but I was uncertain of the day... They did get me though...

I really have such great coworkers.... They are all so sweet and caring... and love to shop for little girls! ha!

Brian and I were given plenty of adorable clothing, blankets, binkies, bibs, spoons, headbands, hats, socks, toys (a baby's first basketball hoop!)... just adorable goodies! ... and a humidifier from a few of the actuaries... (I think its funny that they were the ones to give the practical gift.) Putting away all of these cute and fun items definitely made me more excited for our little Leah to arrive!!

Pictures were taken... I will add them when I get the chance....

and I wanted to spread the word.... our Target registry is not working.... We received a good portion of the items we registered for at the shower, but if you look at the registry very few things have been removed... My boss actually called Target to let them know... but I am not sure if there is anything they can do about it....

Next weekend is the big family shower... I can't wait!! I know my mom and Penny will throw a great party!!!

Dr apt

I forgot to write about my doctors appointment because it was probably one of the most uneventful ones ever!

I met with the last doctor that I had to meet, Dr. Super...
The appointment took maybe 3 minutes...

I was weighted... I gained 4 lbs...awesome! About a lb and a half of that is all baby for sure!

Blood pressure was normal.

I received a perfect score on my diabetes test.

Leah's heart sounded great.

I am still measuring big.

I now officially get to wear tennis shoes to work anytime I want!

And that is it... 2 and a half weeks until my next appointment where I have my ultrasound and then its an appointment every week following!!!!!

This baby will be here before we know it!!!!!!!!!

Oh yeah.... another small story about one of Brian and I's conversations.... (sometimes we have very strange ones).

I forgot what we were talking about, but Brian asked something along the lines of "What will happen to your belly once she is born? Will it just deflate? and then you have to lose like 7-8 lbs?" I dont know the true answer of how quickly the belly will just disappear, but I like how he thinks I will only have to lose 7-8 lbs! Lets hope he's right! ha!!

Oh and something else.... we might be buying out car sooner than later! Brian took his car in to get something fixed to make it last few the next few months, but we found out it would cost 1800 dollars!! Totally not worth it! So it looks like we will be heading to the car lots again in the next few weeks.....

33 days

Only 33 more work days at the most, including today!!!!

It couldn't come at a better time!! I just need to do something new and challenging!!!

I heard more good news about my possible promotion this week... I dont want to jinx anything, but I marched into the Chief Actuary's office and asked what the status of his budget for next year was... It might have been slightly bold of me, but luckily his reply was "That's fair" and then he went on to tell me what was going on with the creation of the position.... still nothing is concrete, but I should know within the next few weeks hopefully if it gets passed or not!

I need to know something before the baby comes!!

Ok... back to work I guess....

hmmm

... and a few comments I received thru out the day were:

• "You're about to pop!" - my brother's best friend Tom the
  minute he saw me.


• "Your huge!" - My cousin Kelly


• "Can you hold this for me? - My Uncle Dave trying to rest his coffee on my stomach


• "If Kim gets tired of holding her bouquet during the wedding she can just rest it on her stomach" - Ellen, the maid of honor and Sarah's sister


• "When are you due?" - from most strangers, then I would respond "Nov 15th" and then I would hear "I dont think you will make it until then!"


• "I dont think you will make it to November even" - Amy, my
  cousin's wife

I can tell I have gotten even huger since my last doctors appointment. The disappearance of my belly button seems to be a good indicator of growth.... currently it is itty bitty and I expect it to pop out within the next few weeks. My next doctors appointment is Tuesday so we will see how that goes... What do you think!?

SK^2

The wedding was GOREGOUS! I dont think I have ever seen a wedding so well put together. Everything just matched so well!!












The weather was about the strangest ever! Sunny one minute and raining the next... I made it to about 10:15. My body began to hurt so badly and I just wanted to lay down. I am proud I made it that long!

exhausted already!

I am again up WAY too early, so I will write to pass the time before getting in the shower and waking Brian and my sister. (My sister spent the night... I will get to that later)

So the past few days have been wonderful.

Thursday I took a few hours off of work... originally I took them off to attend Brian's surprise baby shower at his work, but it was cancelled last minute at Brian's request... Brian has taken a new job... back to public accounting.... His last day at Centene is Oct 8th and he didnt want people to give him gifts when he probably would never be talking to or seeing most of them again.... Details about Brian's new job will be saved for another day as I have a variety of emotions surrounding it and I do not want to get into it at the moment...... but anywho, I left work early Thursday and got a little pampering done... a very much needed manicure and pedicure.

Yesterday, Friday, I was off for my brother's wedding rehearsal!!! The day was exhausting though! I again woke up before 6... Its hard for me to even make it to 6 anymore... then we left the house by 10. The rehearsal was at 11... then we went to lunch with my parents, helped decorate the room for the rehearsal dinner later that night, headed to the hotel to set up the hospitality room, then to my parents house to "rest" which really only consisted of sitting on the couch for 30 minutes before I had to run to JCPenney's for last minute items and Brian went for a run with my brother (so cute! My brother somehow has a special power of getting people to do whatever he wants) Then it was up to Summit to watch my sisters tennis game, home to get the boys, and then off to the rehearsal dinner on the hill. Brian, my sister, and I made it home around 930 and I pretty much fell into bed!!! Although it was a busy and tiring day, it was great! I love my family so much and I am so happy for my brother and Sarah!!! I can't wait for the wedding today because everything is going to be so gorgeous!!! I will of course have pictures to post soon...

Although I am completely excited for today's activies, I know today will be even more exhausting! It makes me tired thinking about it all!! Here I am, with maybe 6 hours of sleep, needing to be at the hotel between 830-9 to start primping, (this is why Jessica spent the night... I was not going to drive to pick her up tomorrow morning and then head there.... )and then a full day of wedding activities. I am sure there will be no nap times (probably a little more caffeine than usual) but hopefully just alot of excitement and happiness to get me thru it all!

In baby news... one of the groomsmen and my brother's childhood friend just had a new baby born a week ago! This is him and his wife's 3rd child, but Tina still could not part with her new baby Emerson so he also attended the rehearsal! I of course spent most of my day holding this little one and getting more and more excited for Leah to get here!! Brian was just amazed at how small Emerson was.... he said it was the youngest baby he thinks he has ever been around, or atleast remembers being around. I think it hit him more that we will have our baby soon!!!

Well... I have wasted some time... now its time to get some breakfast and shower... and get this day started!!!

St. Johns

Yesterday Brian and I attended our hospital tour. I am not sure if this tour helped ease my nerves about coming to the hospital to have a baby, or if it just created new worries. The entire tour I was fighting back tears.... Being at the hospital just opens up a variety of emotions... I am currently fighting back tears thinking about it all!! I am so excited but so terrified all at the same time!

First we visited the Labor and Delivery area....Seeing the rooms, the beds, the equipment.... scared me! I just kept thinking to myself "I am going to be sitting in here in pain!" After the Labor and Delivery they took us to the O.R. area so see where C-sections are done... seeing and hearing about all of this, I DO NOT WANT ONE! (But then again... I dont really want to have a baby the traditional way either.... I am hoping for magic and she just mysteriously comes out!)
Then it was on to the NICU... the reason why St. John's is so popular when it comes to delivering babies.... this really made the tears want to come out! I whispered to Brian "We dont want to come here!" but I know it will be out of our control! There were plenty of itty bitty babies laying in their fancy glowing cribs... Leah wont be itty bitty, but what if Leah is not healthy?! Its hard to think about! Then we headed to the Recovering/Nursery area... I am not sure what it was really called... I had no idea that I would be delivering the baby on one floor and then moved to a totally different area of the hospital once she is born. These rooms looked about the same as L & D... there was a small love seat though for Brian to sleep (he was sure to touch it to see how comfy it was) and they pointed out all of the kitchen areas and how to order food. I look forward to getting to that point! We stopped by the nursery, but there was not a single baby in there... they were all out with their parents.

While back to our car Brian said "Its not long now... do you remember where to go?" It was about 6 weeks ago that I first went to St. John's for my pain, now its about 6 more weeks and we will be back there again!.... only this time we will be bringing home our baby girl!!!!!!!!!

For those who plan to visit us in the hospital... remember:

If Leah is not yet born: use the BLUE elevators to the 2nd floor
If Leah has been born: use the GREEN elevators to the 6th or 7th floor

It wont be long now.....

a comparison

same dress... 3 weeks apart....
Yep... Leah is growing big!

interesting...

This evening I went to my parents house and had dinner... My little sister is a senior in high school so there are of course college brochures all over the place. I happened to pick up Missouri State's.

An interesting fact....

Brian and I will be paying more money to send Leah to Goddard in one year then a Missouri resident will pay for a year of schooling and room and board at MSU.

RIDICULOUS huh!?!

There aren't even special savings accounts for daycare! Parents dont save for 18 years to send their kids to daycare! ... If Brian and I can afford this while we are young and "poor" then we should be fine when it comes to sending Leah to college when she is 18! (keeping my fingers crossed).

almost forgot!

I just realized....

I thought I would put it in a little math equation for you.....

X = day's until Leah is due
X<2 months

whoohooo!!!

oh no!

My first stretch mark has also made an appearance!!!

I caught a glimpse of it in the mirror... I can't get close enough to it to get a good look at it, but Brian has comfirmed that it is there!!!

I'm sad..... but I know Leah will be worth it!

ugg

Swollen feet and ankles have made their appearance! Its not attractive.

This is not helping when I need to fit into wedding shoes next weekend that are already tight!

pregnancy side effect

I have never been a mint fan....

but I am now loving Cool Mint Oreos..... They are amazing!

a family car

Brian and I did a little car shopping this weekend....

Brian is preparing to buy a new car... aka a family car... or atleast a car that fits a car seat better, and something that I can drive.

We dont actually plan on buying a car until atleast January, but we wanted to get an idea of what we want before the baby comes. We figure winter weather and an infant could make car shopping difficult.

We went to the car lots with an altima, accord, camry, type car in mind, but we now seem way more interested in a cross over. Mileage wise, there is only a mile or two difference per gallon, and they are actually priced the same. Our top contenders are currently the Mazda CX-7 and the Nissan Rogue....

Have any of you heard anything good or bad about these cars, or crossovers in general?